Planning the senior management meetings for the year and summoning demons.

If you give me enough time I will, without a doubt, invent something strange out of nothing. Sometimes it’s harmless and I just giggle in my mind, but other times my mind won't quit working on it and soon I’ve birthed this whole mess of an idea. 

Here is one of those times. 

I did this a few months ago- sometime in February. Probably on a Monday- seems like a Monday type of idea for me. But I was in the car with my dad heading to the office and I was trying to keep up the conversation and ask him about his day and he ended up telling me that he would be consulting with others for planning out all the Senior Management Meetings for the year... and other misc. things that didn’t pique my interest.

Now here are two things to know, before we get much deeper into this story.

1, I am convinced that there is a demon living in the little closet where the pop is kept in his office.

And 2, my brain is on imagination overload 24/7. It literally will. Not. Stop.

(bonus fact) 3, the pop closet is very small and no normal-sized person could easily be in there.

So naturally, I reply to the information he’s just given me with, “Oh consulting? Who are you consulting for the meetings,”

He gave me a few very reasonable names. Everything seeming normal and logical.

So I say, “Them and the pop closet demon?” Because that’s just how the conversation seemed to flow.

I can't tell you what his entire face looked like because I was sitting in the back seat, but I could see his eyes in the rearview mirror and I don’t have a name for the look he had in them, but I can say with 100% certainty that it wasn’t something good. A bewildered look. Regret, maybe? A dull, glazed over, tired sort of thing existed in them.

In true John fashion, he didn’t respond to this. So, I just kept it rolling. Why stop there?

“Do you have to schedule a time to do this - To meet with the pop closet demon? What does that look like on your calendar? What do you name that? Or do you just knock on the door up there and climb into the closet when you want to meet? Does he bill you for his time? Do you bring with an Ouija board? How about a magic 8 ball? Do you bring a flashlight? It's dark in there. Does anyone else know that you meet with a demon to plan out the board meetings? Are you nervous when you do this? What other things do you summon demons for? Does this take place during business hours or during the night?”

It just wouldn’t stop. I couldn’t talk fast enough. I was laughing like a crazy person through the entire thing.

It just grew and grew and it’s a long drive to the office – around 45 minutes- so I had time to really marinate this idea in my brain.

All I could imagine was my dad, in his nice suit walking quickly through the lobby with his usual portfolio underarm, but also with an Ouija board and magic 8 ball in the other. I could imagine him stopping in the break room to grab something to drink (literally everyone does this before a meeting and idk maybe summoning the pop closet demon is strenuous), then climbing into the closet which is super tiny and mini-sized. I imagine him sitting crisscross apple sauce. I could see him turn on a flashlight and set it upright so he could see his notes that he keeps on a billion of those yellow legal pads. Before starting the meeting, I can see him take off his glasses and rub the bridge of his nose (I dare anyone who has been in meetings with this man to disagree with that description) and then sigh heavily and summon the demon to discuss the optimal times to have meetings for the year.

He wasn’t as amused as I was by all of this. I thought it was brilliant. I still do. I still think about it a lot and laugh about it often.

I even wrote out a whole short story on this fiasco – and now I’m writing about it here.

Wouldn’t that be absolutely brilliant in real life? What if it was common practice in the workplace to consult with spooky spirits and all that jazz when planning things. Would summoning days be set aside out of the workweek? Would there be a dress code? What would that even look like? How did the pop closet demon even get into the pop closet? I have so many questions for my own made-up scenario. 

There’s really no point to this story – my only two takeaways are that I don’t blame my dad for being stressed out when I take over every conversation we have with bs like I pulled in the story above and two- as I am writing this I am realizing why I don’t have a boyfriend. I’m hecking crazy. Yall sometimes I really can produce some bazaar, quality content.

Safe sailing and demon summoning.

A.ray

(original publication date March 18th 2020)